The STOP skill is a deceptively simple but powerful way to interrupt impulsive reactions and reduce people-pleasing. Here are the steps:
When emotions like anger, anxiety, or defensiveness spike, start by pausing your body and words. Step back physically or mentally. Then observe what’s actually happening: the facts, your thoughts, and your feelings. Finally, respond in a way that aligns with your goals, not your impulses.
Let’s say you receive a blunt email that feels critical. Your instinct might be to reply defensively. Using STOP, you might pause, take a break, notice your anxiety or irritation, and consider that the message might be brief rather than hostile. You can then respond calmly or ask a clarifying question.
STOP also helps with people-pleasing. Instead of automatically saying “yes,” you can pause and create space. Notice your capacity and your reasons (e.g., fear of disappointing someone), then respond intentionally, possibly letting them know that you can’t take on the extra task this week. STOP helps shift your behavior from approval-seeking to intentional decision-making.
Individual therapy can be helpful when you are trying out new skills, particularly when you find yourself stuck and aren’t sure what is making it hard for you to follow through. Therapists at the Wake Kendall Group have a wealth of experience in helping individuals incorporate effective behaviors into their lives.