You know the scenario. You are trying to get through to your partner. You are trying to tell them you’re hurt, and they are closed off, unavailable. You want to get in their face and say, “Hello?!! Did you hear me!? I’m talking to you!!”
Want to turn this around?
Here’s a simple three-step formula for hard conversations.
Three tips for success
Ready for some examples?
✗ Are you even listening? You’re always on your *!#@%!! Phone.
✔ I know you’re worried about work, and I get how stressful it is (empathy). But I’m frustrated (“I” statement feeling) because I’m trying to talk to you about something important, and you’re checking your phone. Could we figure out a good time to check in (desire to resolve the situation together)?
✗ Seriously?! Why would you leave the kitchen like this? I’m not your maid!
✔ I know I’m not the cleanest person (taking responsibility), but I felt really frustrated when I came home to this mess (“I” statement feeling). Could you try to clean up before I get home from work the next time (positive need)?
Remember – wait until you are calm! Most of us can’t possibly be reasonable, let alone polite and gracious, when we are angry or hurt. These softer approaches may seem aspirational, but with practice, they will start to feel natural, and best of all, they really work.
Interested in learning more about reducing conflicts in your relationships? Contact us and we can discuss how to best meet your needs!