“Put your shoes on!” “Finish your homework!”
Some communication can feel urgent or important in the moment. But children benefit from feeling that their voices matter, too. Offering choices, even small ones, can help kids build independence, confidence, and emotion regulation.
Instead of telling a child what to do, parents can provide two acceptable options: “Would you like to brush your teeth before or after pajamas?” or “Do you want to do homework at the kitchen table or your desk?” These choices may seem simple, but they communicate trust and respect while reducing power struggles that can leave both parents and children frustrated.
Level up by noting the consequences for their choices (natural consequences often work best). For example: “If you put your shoes on now, you’ll have time to play at the playground before school. If you don’t, you’ll need to go straight into the classroom.” Consequences help kids connect their actions to outcomes. Rather than simply obeying orders out of fear or pressure, children begin to develop perspective on how their decisions impact themselves and others. Consequences also reduce power struggles, because the focus shifts from a battle of wills to a result your child influences through their choices.
Need parenting support? Therapists at The Wake Kendall Group have a wealth of experience in helping parents, kids, and families with better communication and emotional regulation.