If you’ve ever left a conversation thinking, “I should’ve said something,” you are not alone. So many people struggle with being assertive or voicing their opinion. If you are someone who is used to staying under the radar, avoiding awkwardness, or not wanting to upset anyone, speaking up can feel weird or even stressful. Fortunately, The Wake Kendall Group has some techniques to help build your assertiveness.
Assertiveness is not some personality trait you either have or don’t have. It is more like a muscle. You build it by using it, even in small ways.
Instead of jumping into big, uncomfortable conversations, you can start small. Say what you actually want to do when making plans with others. Correct something minor without apologizing, or just practice saying “no” to something low-stakes. These little moments matter way more than people realize because they start teaching your brain that speaking up is not dangerous.
Body language is another important piece of presenting confidently. Standing a little taller, slowing down when you talk, and making eye contact can help you feel and appear more confident while you are speaking.
If these small tweaks feel awkward at first, that is completely expected! It just means you are not used to it yet. It will become more comfortable with consistent practice.
An important part of being assertive is saying things directly, without being harsh or aggressive. You do not need to overexplain yourself to make your thoughts or feelings valid; you can just say it.
Instead of going in circles, you might say something like, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now,” or “I actually can’t take that on at the moment,” or “I’d prefer a different time.” There is no need for a long speech explaining your preferences.
Saying “no” is hard for many people. A lot of us feel guilty even thinking about it, but saying “yes” to everything often leads to burnout or resentment. A simple “I can’t make it” or “I’m not able to do that right now” can be enough to begin setting necessary limits for your time and well-being.
The most important part of building assertiveness is remembering that your needs count, too. The more you practice speaking up, the more natural it starts to feel.
If the tips above feel too hard to tackle on your own, our licensed psychologists can assist you in learning how to improve your assertiveness and help you feel more comfortable and confident when speaking to others. Call us today!